All About Stress and Stress Related Symptoms in Kids

Have you ever had to deal with a stressed child? Stress sometimes arise from non-medical factors. Stress in children today is thought to be more prevalent than it was in kids of yesterday. Sometimes I wonder if this is so or if its rather a case of the situation receiving more attention now.

There are times when a child will complain of ailments such as headaches, earaches etc. and the parent takes the child to the doctor and he his unable to diagnose such an ailment or find any reasons for it. That is similar to what my younger sister experienced when we were kids. She was taken to the doctor a number of times for a terrible eye ache which to this day has gone undiagnosed. After a while we started to think she was just faking it when she needed attention or just wanted to get out of doing her duties. Blame her for that... she was lazy. What added fuel to our taunts as kids was that she seemed to be all chirpy and better by the time she got back home. We used to say all she needed was to be taken out and get special ice-cream or whatever treat would come when our dad took us out (not much luck with mom giving us the treats).

The complaints grew less as she got older and she just got prescription for glasses a few years ago. She is 33yrs old now. To be honest even now we tease her and question her cries as a child as she was known to exaggerate being hurt when we got into sibling tuffles. That said though, we still think there might have been something there as she was/is claustrophobic. Darkness bothers her and as a child she would sometimes wake up screaming and climbing and clawing trying to find a window or a light switch if she woke up and found the room in darkness. We've had a few fright nights... Because of these episodes there were concerns (even now) when she has to sleep in unfamiliar surroundings. I seriously think there might be some psychological element to these unexplained symptoms and I tend to be a bit keen on this where kids are concerned.

Kids do tend to stress about stuff in their lives and find their own ways of dealing with it and that can make it a bit hard for the parent or guardian to decipher the real problem. While teaching I realized that at any given time the majority of the class is stressed about something or the other and those real reasons are usually revealed by sometimes unrelated conversations or observations. Sometimes the child says what is bothering them but we totally miss it or dismiss it..

My Nephew

I pay particular attention to my 9yr old nephew because he is an extremely sensitive and family orientated child. His mom and dad are not together and he loves his other siblings (his dad's other kids) but he does not get relate to them. The major part of his early childhood schooling was done while living with his father and brother. His mother was at university. He and his brother later split as they each went to be with their mothers. I remember recently when we gave away one the two sibling kittens we had, he was upset and cried. He wanted to know why we had to separate them. We had to console him and explain that they were both males and has they grew older they would become more aggressive towards each other and then one would maybe eventually leave. I really did not want two kittens but at that time what I wanted was of minor concern as we tried explaining the reason to him. I think he accepted it has he had seen the kittens at play and saw the aggression grow as they got older.

What a child says and did not say

Sometimes if my nephew figures that saying something will cause an upset he will avoid saying it. We tend to pay particular attention to what he says and try to decipher what he did not say. By doing this we can figure out if something is bothering him and may bring up the subject directly or just have chit chat laugh sessions which will him prompt him to say something related to our assumptions. This is where his surprised looks of "how did you know" would come in response to our little meddling sessions.

My nephew is loyal by nature and does not like to see his friends get into trouble. He will lead his own little negotiations or defence on his friend's behalf and so we have to know what he is throwing at us if we are to get to the real deal. This nature of protecting and standing up for those he loves is a very good quality but like many children do in loyalty to parents they will not say what is really bothering them because they do not want to (in their minds) "hurt" the parent or cause any trouble.

Be careful what is said and done around a child

As kids my siblings and myself had to deal with parental disagreements in the home which affected each of us differently. That is why I figure my sister's terrible eye-aches and other acts may have been her way of dealing with her stress. We tend to tell our mother that things do not fly over a child's head the way they as parents thought it did. Some things just lodges with the child. There was a particular child I taught for a while who was from a well off family but there were problems at home. She reacted to the noise around her by crying and holding her head. She was a lovely child and her parents are lovely people who provided well for their kids but the stress factor was still there.

Seek a doctor's advice

More and more kids are being diagnosed as being stressed. Seeking medical attention should always be the first step in finding what is wrong with a child. Where there is no diagnosis but continued complaints from the child I would suggest that parents try to find out if their child is stressed in any way. A child's stress could be home related or school related, sometimes kids just do not like where they live or just find it impossible to connect with the people around them. There are kids who have been known to hate the fact that they have to go off to church every weekend or how ever often they have to go. They would rather stay at home or be somewhere else. Sometimes its pretty simple in our eyes but means a lot to them.

Home related stress: This is so varied and not always easy to identify. One child can be affected by parental disagreements or sibling squabbles while another is affected by something totally different.

Stressed parents:We may try to hide it but children are able to sense when a parent is stressed. Their uncertainty of what to do sometimes make them feel helpless so they act up instead and even cause the parent more stress without really meaning to. This increases the stress level in the home.

School related stress: School related stress is a topic all by itself. Being bullied or just not being able to absorb the teacher or other classmates persona is only a tip of the ice berg. Being teased, feeling ignored and left out are other factors kids have to deal with at school.

Where a child lives: Some children are not proud of where they live. They do not feel a sense of pride and of home. Imagine living and having to go home to a place you consider to be depressing but trying to respect the fact that your parents are doing the best they can. The home, even if the neighbourhood is not so good, should be as child-friendly as possible. Our homes must be our little palaces to which we retreat from the rest of the world. Sometimes there are just too many people around to allow for privacy. Even kids love to be able to have their own private moments. The colour of the home is another factor. We really do tend to react to the colours around us.

N.B: I have had friends who did not like the huge space they grew up with. They would have preferred a smaller more intimate family space.

Dealing with the child's stress issues

As a parents or guardians we cannot always accommodate the wishes of the child. There are particular issues which we just have to help the child through the best way we can. We must realise though that too often we allow our adult life to affect our children negatively.

Think back to childhood related conversations you may have had with friends and try to remember some aspects of their lives they had difficulties with. Some kids learn to cope after a while but some just never do and then it is carried over into their adult lives. We need to really connect with our own childhood and be open to our children if we are to effectively help them to cope with non-medical related stress factors.